


How Can You Love Me?

by Fallenstar92



Series: Gallavich One Shots [11]
Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Bipolar Ian, Diary/Journal, Gen, M/M, Reflection, Regret, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-30
Updated: 2017-05-30
Packaged: 2018-11-06 17:57:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11041323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fallenstar92/pseuds/Fallenstar92
Summary: Ian's therapist tells him to keep a journal, and he decides to turn the entries into letters for his boyfriend, chronicling his regrets.





	How Can You Love Me?

**ENTRY ONE:**

_"Mick,_

_The doctor told me to write my feelings in this, and I thought it would be a good idea to write to you. I'm sorry for all of the horrid shit I've put you through, Mick; hate myself more for it every single day. I love you so much it sometimes scares me, and I don't know what to do with myself because I essentially destroyed what we had by breaking your heart, spending so much time pretending what we had didn't matter, and listening when people told me you were the wrong choice._

_You're not though, Mick, you're the best choice I could ever make. You love me so much, and ask nothing in return, you put everyone else first, and are so fucking great to the people you care about, how could choosing to love you ever be wrong?_

_I guess what I'm trying to say is, I know I fucked up, but I wanna be better for you._

_I love you,_

_Ian."_

**ENTRY TWO:**

_"Mick,_

_When Svetlana left, I kept catching this look in your eyes; the look that told me you were waiting for me to do the same. I wish I could prove I won't, but I know after leaving you for so long, dating Caleb, and coming back after I was cheated on just makes it look like you're a back up plan. I wish I could just say how much you really mean, but I can't put it into words. I love you honey, I really fucking do, and I'm never leaving our little family._

_I love you,_

_Ian."_

**ENTRY THREE:**

_"Mick,_

_I asked Yev to help me propose to you, and I've never seen our boy so happy. I knew the second you trusted me to be his dad, I was ready to marry the man I love. He brought you the ring, and you looked completely fucking confused until I finally managed to ask you. Your answer? "About fuckin' time, Gallagher!" I've never smiled so wide._

_I love you so fucking much,_

_Ian."_

**ENTRY FOUR:**

_"Mick,_

_I keep having this horrible fucking dream that you left me. I wake up, look over at you sleeping, and almost cry because you're still there. I don't know what I would do without my baby; I've centered my whole life around you. I love you, Mick, and even when I'm asleep I can't imagine losing you ever again._

_I love you,_

_Ian."_

By the time Ian and Mickey got married, he no longer needed his journal, but he still kept it; eventually giving Mickey the four entries he felt summed up how he felt best. Ian pretended not to notice that his husband kept them under his pillow every night.


End file.
